The past few months, I have been going thru one of the hardest, heartbreaking and life changing events. I'm not going to get too personal on here... but let's just say... I was damaged pretty badly by someone I had trusted with all my heart other than God and my family. Heck, I don't really trust some of my family members and because of the nature of my job, I'm always extra careful with whom I trust. Some people would try to come in my life for ill intent and only wants to get something from me. So I'm not sorry that I had trusted that person because it was based on years of friendship and I'm not gonna blame that person nor myself for that matter. But this event has made me truly realized, only thing you can really trust is that God (or higher self or whatever name that you believe in... It's about the existance, not a name or form) really is in you and you are the only person in flesh that you can trust. I'm not being bitter nor negative. I'm not saying you cant trust anybody. You just have to have 100% trust in you to walk this life with other people on this planet. Trust really isn't something you earn. In actuality, we really can't blame on "trust" for any bad experiences because that really should be something you wouldnt question about in the first place. I know it's easier said than done. But think about it, if you trust yourself completely, you'd trust your intuition and you would not be blinded by others... whether you go with it or you walk away, you KNOW before you get yourself in too deep.
What I have experienced is definitely something occured by our intentions and feelings got "lost in translation" and it really is propriate for this blog. As you probably know by now, I'm pretty good at reading between the lines. As an interpreter, I've got to be. But yet, I was misled by this person's words and believed it when I've always known actions speak the truth louder and clearer than words. And that fact was thrown in my face in the most disrespectful way.
I am truly grateful for this experience and believe it or not for this person tho... because of it, I have learned more about spirituality, feelings, emotions, ego, thoughts, life and most of all myself. I've started to really see what I truly want, need and deserve without feeling any insecurities or fears. I am a good person and a good mother. I'm honest, loyal and alot of things that you would look for in friend and lover. And I know I have my flaws and make mistakes too. But what differs me from alot of people is that when I realize I was in wrong, I'd correct it, at least try to make it right in respect for those who were in the circumstances as soon as I can because I do care about people's feelings as same as mine. You see... I've realized that I really have zero tolerance for disrespectful acts towards my feelings. Because to me, feelings are most important element that can even change your reality. At the job, some people has disrespected me only because they thought I was "only an interpreter" and I started not to let it bother me anymore... people can think whatever they wanna think. I do what I do with a pride and I'm good at it. I know who those see that and respect me the way I deserve. I have respect for myself in the first place. And I cherish the feelings I get when I do what I do. Feelings uplift you and bring you more of that. It's not thoughts that manifest reality, it's the feelings you get from the thoughts manifest. I had to learn it the hard way... when I look back about the issues I'd had with that person, it rings a bell in so many ways, how I was reacting and how that person was reacting. Everything, what we both were afraid of the most, became real.
I had to acknowledge and get my pain off of my chest so I could really move on with my journey. From now on, nothing would get "lost in translation(and I'm not talking about language barrier)" because I know exactly what I want and who I am. I INTEND to hear and see exactly what it is whatever it is and be heard and seen exactly what I am and mean.
Whether that person is going to be back in my life in the future or not, I only let nature take care of it. And I don't even think this nor this blog would be acknowledged by that person, but I wanna dedicate this song because the 1st verse-chorus is exactly how I feel... You know funny thing is... I was assigned to work on the translation of this song and his album in the midst of my emotional struggle... the message from higher above is very powerful... so are feelings.
til next time... xoxo